D O N A G O L D

Off task Bear.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:13:03 GMT

So here's the one week countdown point - In 7 days I will have taken and hopefully aced all 5 finals, turned in all my end-of-semester assignments and have successfully packed my things and moved out of my dorm room until late January. In 9 days I will be navigating the Airport systems of Missoula, Salt Lake City and Vegas all before touching down in MSP aka HOME.

.... Meh. Life recently.

- Thanksgiving was win. Brooke and I cooked a fucking tasty turkey, and gravy. And beans. And Potatoes.
- Girls night is this Friday. Finally!
- Ajawah parties, family parties, christmas - This break is going to be hectic. The Senior Staff party is more likely than not going to take over my little woods cabin for a few days. We'll see.
- I've crocheted a bagillion hats in the last two weeks, and last night I finished my Legwarmers. They are deliciously cozy.
- Can't for our very lives ever get to class on Wednesdays. The alarm goes off, we sit up, roll over, proclaim 'FUCK IT' rather gracefully for two mostly asleep people and then proceed to sleep until we decide to make pancakes.
- It is SO COLD HERE. I mean, cold. As in -25˚ windchill cold. As in, high of 5˚in the broad daylight. As in Holy Shit balls. It'd be alright if there were snow.
- FISH SHIRT @ SHIRT.WOOT!! http://shirt.woot.com/friends.aspx?k=10532
- Jazz is going to kick my academic ass.

Chronicles of a Challenger (pt. One)

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:06:09 GMT

I'm naming this out of optimism and intention. I do in fact have plans to write more stories, more insightful tellings of how I am continuing to challenge the universe.

Story one: Bliss is omnipresent, though bliss may not be the word most would choose to describe it all. I am often irritable, melancholy, anxious. I am more often than not one of these things, if not all at once. At yet, all is undertaken with the most capable of mediators. Faith, love and peace are now constant hands along my shoulders and hips and belly - a happy belly full of laughs and sighs and soft smiles that had to have begun somewhere, where've they been hiding all this time? If ever I was a creature of dualities (always have been) now they are my bread, and my butter.

Though I prefer toast.

Story two: I am dripping in diamond and sweets and delicious sin. I am a creaturous Queen of discarded fear and unharnessed lust. I am amidst a court of my loyalist friends, all a variation on myself. We look out across fruitful harvests and moving pieces, playing chess with our dainty fingers and the rest of the world as an opponent. We live, breathe and dream in power plays and battle for sovereignty. We are the collective, and I am all, but I remain the queen.

More importantly, I am naked. The others bring me gowns and furs one by one, but I wear nothing but a grin and a crooked finger. I am beckoning to the world, to the opponent who would challenge me. Who here, out there, around would wait amongst all the chaos that is my mind, my soul and my cage of a body?

Story Three: Sometimes, I get really quite upset. One might even call me grumpy. Unpleasant to be around. Full of rain?

It rains a lot. Long grey clouds full of sleet and icy rain slide slowly across our little valley. It surrounds us, chases our glee, swallows our minds and creates distaste. I bask in this. I excel.

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™ x2

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 11:25:01 GMT

12:42 @calliopemn @soundlessw No worries, Swine flu isn't really that bad. It's actually quite a bit less miserable than the common cold. #
15:28 @Gruye Bird flu, Swine flu, Cancer, Drain AIDS... #

20:48 Bitches and Hos, Bitches and Hos. Discussions regarding exclusive traits. Clear science. #
23:03 @calliopemn Be whole. And healthy, that too. #

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:38:50 GMT

On Metaphors: Life metaphors are highly overrated. I see very little to compare to chocolate, for example. I just don't see it. However, it is the very first thought of any validity that I have to offer you this evening. It isn't even a very graceful metaphor. In fact, it's downright unfortunate.

My life, as of now, is a puzzle without a guide. You know those pictures that come printed across puzzle boxes, clearly showing you your goal (for example, Johnny Depp's face) or the general idea of a texture or color present in the actual puzzle? My existence on this watery little planet didn't come with one of those. Life does in a way give you a rough idea of it's puzzle-box-top, but it's a rather loose interpretation, and still all the major details are left for you to flip over and somehow eventually sort out.

Also, to beat this metaphorical metaphor horse to death: concentration and focus. You really can't focus on many different aspects of a poem at once. You have to sit down and focus on the yellow bits for a while, or really pay attention to Johnny Depp's nose. This is true of almost every puzzle ever, except for the edges. You establish the edges first, which in life most of us have indeed done. The frame of my life was pieced together slowly with my childhood hopes and conceptions, my morals and my memories. The problem of filling it all in is now in my present and future.

Now. As this ridiculous metaphor relates to you?

On how this ridiculous metaphor relates to anything at all, really. Or, for now, to my "Art": The pieces are all there, and I've separated the pieces I've flipped over and thought about to any extent based on color, tone and really everything. Basically, I HAVE SOME FUCKING PIECES I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH. THE BOX (them) SAYS THEY'RE REALLY ALL SUPPOSED TO FIT TOGETHER BUT I really don't know if I believe them, you know? Anyway.

Art. The writing pieces are currently the most important ones. Because hell, I can theoretically almost kind of see how they fit together in my future. These are the pieces, some of them connected to other very important pieces, that comprise the Love Poems Vs. Solitaire portion of my existence. Really. I might as well be high.

Fuck it. I'm taking a shower. Have a poem. Go away.

Quiet Gods

Who is the master of the masterpiece,
the creator of the mask? Who holds the ropes
high above his own head, burning, yearning,
thirsty for light.
Which candle will meet the end of its wick first,
who will trigger the hunger eternal?
Who will call down the sun and end the times?
Who has promised us eternity? Only those who
no longer share the soil but have instead
long since joined it in its rich silence.
The outcasts. The unholy dust pushing through our toes.

We've lived too long casting shadows we ignore,
forgetting the small darknesses we leave behind.
We carry the burdens of those ancients who
never once conceived of us and yet somehow
bore us to their dusty hips.
We all came from somewhere,
our tears bearing salt unknown to the skies but
so damn familiar to the earth.
We fancied ourselves creators, conquerers,
children of the one god,
the good god,
the good itself.

Who is the master of the masterpiece,
the piece holding the floodwaters aside,
the fire at our hearths and not our homes,
our soil in its blanket on the earth?
Which of us is dirty, wicked? Which of us haul darkness
and history in our soles? Which of us drink the rain?
Which of us start the fires, and who among us
condemn them?

Which of us are the animals, who are the gods?

P.S.I know the indents don't work. Meh.

P.P.S. Also, life is grand. Just an FYI, TMI, PDA kind of thing.

P.P.P.S. Don't even ask.

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 11:25:00 GMT

16:10 I swear to god, if someone walked up to me right now and offered me a kitten, I would not be able to say no. I am still allergic. DON'T CARE #

Yeah, bitch. Yeah.

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 05:37:49 GMT

Lame. Writing is lame, today. Writing is lame.

Am sitting on a couch-bed like it's a couch. I'm lame. Am typing poorly and abusing the english language - super lame. I am the epitome of lame, or would be if that couldn't maybe be construed as a good thing, which would of course be a lot less lame.

Lame.

But no worries, I am surely well set to come out of my lame plateau-ish like kind of valley of emotions thing. Wow. Lamest sentence ever. Ever. But I will! And soon! Tonight I shall snuggle up and be happy, and maybe wake up happy, as happy as I get when I'm.... you know, waking up. Maybe things will just keep fucking working out in my favor. Maybe I'll keep progressing in getting back into Epee. Maybe someday, somehow, I'll actually have some friends, or someone.... to hold me... at night.

Oh wait. I'm feeling super (lamely) sarcastic this evening. Whoopsie.

Even in the swing, in the dipiest part of this fucking dip, I'm somehow content. The things I question in my anxiety-driven angst fests are somehow quite plebian. Even as I question myself, I am somehow.... emotionally secure.

Holy fucking shit. This shit is intense. This shit is too fucking out there, man. Whoa.

So there I'll end it. Lame.

-Katie (fucking sign that shit. yeah)

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 11:25:01 GMT

00:18 I'm rapping about gradient filters. Time for bed. #

From the IMpD of the Birthday Girl

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 20:56:40 GMT

You know, all those people out there bashing macs for their brand name, for their price, for any reason... can go eat a fucking hat. Filled with smart-ness. Because honestly, the Apple company knows what's going on. Products that work? Good plan. Fixing the products that don't for no charge reliably and amicably? Will keep me as a customer for a much longer time. It encourages me to buy new things. I know it will be worth it.

So thank you, dear Apple company, for fixing my computer and allowing me to buy that new lens I was planning to use my nice Ajawah check for. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now I just have to choose.

The 50 mm is a sure thing. I'm going to buy it, use it for portraits. I've already been offered around $40 for a portrait session this winter, which actually pays for 40% of that lens in itself. So- that'll happen soon. For now, we're moving up. A nice zoom Tamron lens will soon be rushing my way, with a UV filter not long behind. I will attatch it and all its lens glory to my baby, and we will take wonderful wonderful pictures together for many years. Hopefully about 5 and a half, because of that 6 year warranty thing. Yee ha!

The only question is... Which Tamron lens? One is a bit wider, one zooms a bit further. One is, of course, a bit more expensive. Of course, at this point in my life, when I can afford it, isn't that worth it? God. I might have to declare a photo minor. Ew. Gross. I want no photo degree. Stay away.

But I do want the resources.

Next step? Getting the Revue up and about and start shooting film again. Hells yes. I just want a darkroom.

Life's been good, though.

I mean, yesterday was my birthday. My friends are wonderful. I was gifted a carrot cake with a train on it, which we ate on the pavement outside the baseball stadium before watching half a baseball game. Then a barbeque and a friendly round of cars over three cases of cider. A-fucking-men. I even got a cuddly nap in the middle of the day. I'm not used to actually enjoying my birthday. And I did. I loved it.

Love everyone. Loving life. How bizarre.

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 11:25:03 GMT

12:44 Arrival, internet, exhaustion. #

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 11:25:01 GMT

08:30 aw cute. Montana thinks it has road construction, too. #

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 11:25:01 GMT

03:10 So little accomplished, and yet I'm still exhausted and up around 4 am feeling worn to bone. Life. Life life life. #

Exhaustion sets in

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 06:47:45 GMT

No really, it does. My limbs somehow feel heavier, even as they're supported by semi-thought and this god damned table. I should be writing that letter that I'm trying to complete, but I'm tired. Just, tired.

Maybe I should sleep, then, as this has otherwise been a very productive day. Go, go, go me.

Go me.

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:25:01 GMT

19:29 Lol OMG i can still twitter from camp! #

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 11:25:02 GMT

14:04 I really am going to be one of "those car people." I've just spent almost three hours washing my little yellow adventure mobile. Camp! #
16:27 I'm going to go and run around in the woods now, probably for a month or so. Ajawah > Real life. #

Dream Woes + FSRT™

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 11:25:01 GMT

22:26 My unconscious is betraying my rational conscious mind. Stellar. #

I apologize for all the Twitter spamming recently. I keep meaning to supplement their rough, out of context statements with real words and true thought, but those things take time and energy. Therefore, it hasn't quite been happening. I do stare at them and think to myself, though. I contemplated.

Camp in 1 day and 5 hours. So exciting and also so nerve-racking. I love camp, and I do really think I'm capable of the job they've set in front of me, but hey. It's a lot of responsibility. If I thought I got too little sleep last year, this year should be a true adventure.

No way to live but in adventure.

I slept well last night, though. That's progress. It isn't as if I haven't been sleeping well, because sleep has been wholly restful and pleasant, but I'm dreaming. Those of you that have heard me complaining about the fact that I've stopped dreaming in recent years had better be rolling your eyes. Yeah, the dreams are great. Imaginative and pleasant, but they're also doing all the things dreams do in a time when I wish they wouldn't. Like forcing me to dream about things I'm trying not to think about.

Fuck it. I sleep happy and wake up miserable. This is ridiculous.

I need to start writing. I need to keep editing, but I've lost that state of mind that was producing such good things just a month ago. I need to step back, gain perspective.

Thank god for camp.

Camp!

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 11:25:01 GMT

15:00 When packing becomes this much of a process, I tend to start thinking about all the things I actually need. Which is... Not much. #
17:12 I terrified by the fact that I'm considering purging even more of my personal belongings. Also? Intrigued. #
17:43 Also also: at one point I was very, very young. #
23:44 I have been awake much too long. I'm going to experiment with this thing called sleep. If you don't hear from me, it's gone horribly wrong. #

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 11:25:03 GMT

23:00 Life is accelerating, days are dragging on, and somehow I still manage to get occasionally angst-filled. Woe! #

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 11:25:01 GMT

00:39 If a constant update on the evolving stages of my life was ever necessary, Twitter heard the call and answered it. Sadly. #

Super Definition, Low Contrast

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 07:50:46 GMT

I am a crafter of words and storms on good nights, a harassment to my bottom lip on most nights and a study in independent curiosity at all times. I am waiting patiently for fruitless success and defining myself in the desperate hours of the vacant morning. This is the cycle of life. This is the rhythm of it, manufacturing your mind and your neuroses all in its own way, individual and never the same twice. I am constant carpentry, wired for independence and a silence structured through my center by gravity and I do refuse to chose a tense to live my life in. Regardless, I date everything I do.

June Second, Two Thousand and Nine

P.S. Now I get lonely at night. What the Fuck.

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Mon, 25 May 2009 11:25:01 GMT

MAY 17th :

00:08 I am such a fucking girl. #

MAY 19th :

10:36 Leaving Glasgow, Montana. Driving through the night? Little yellow car party! #
16:44 The power steering on the Little Yellow Car kicks in the town of Williston, ND. Stranded in a Jacuzzi Suite with a flatscreen and the Twins. #

MAY 25th :

18:06 Guess who gets a flat tire while getting a 160 speeding ticket. Just guess. #

May Day, 2009 + FSRT™

Fri, 01 May 2009 11:25:02 GMT

10:40 Not only am I up before 11, I've also finished my homework and downed a full cup of coffee. It's like I'm really human. #
11:39 let's fight, fight, fight. #
01:30 I've been up since 7:30, and yet still have no need to sleep. I think I'll do laundry. No, I'm definitely doing some laundry. #
03:12 I love, love, love finding new music. I will hook you up. #

The end of the semester is flying towards me with an astounding velocity - I will be in Missoula for only 14 more days before departing, with my father, in the little yellow car. Things have actually calmed down a bit, and I now have only a portfolio and four finals to worry about. And worry I will... eventually. For now, today, I've kicked everyone out and declared myself to be 'off the grid.' (I have to declare this here, as opposed to just disappearing. Everyone manages to know where I live, and that I have a first floor window to knock on. Shoo.) What am I doing with this blessed bit of independence?

- This time last year I put together and bound the Elemental project, and I seem to be repeating a similar process. I've been looking over and (oh man) editing all the writing I managed to produce this year, finding the themes and the common connections to organize into folios. Love Poems vs. Solitaire will be bound and presentable, with any luck, by early June. I'm actually feeling rather proud of it - go figure. I'll likely continue my habits in the way of not posting my writing on the internet, I've started submitting to journals.

- I'm still staring at and working on all the photos I took over spring break. (there are too many. what was I thinking?) They'll continue to surface slowly, but steadily. Might even pop one up today. May day. Happy May Day!

- It's true: college does actually get you addicted to black coffee. I'm sorry I ever doubted this. Coffee is so good. It's crack. I've been dealing with a fair amount of caffeine withdrawal.

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 11:25:02 GMT

21:41 I'm so confused regarding this entire day. This must be what drugs are like. I am unhappy. #
03:17 @Llyriel no no no, I'm happy! Actually, I'm currently so happy I'm terrified of what's going to go wrong. I'm just... confused. #
03:21 @Llyriel I think perhaps I was upset because certain individuals were being super creepy. Super duper sketch. #

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 11:25:02 GMT

19:29 I'm glad twitter is so capable of spreading the panic. Good job, social culture! #
01:36 I loathe essays even when they try to be artsy, but I love coming up with E-mail addresses for the men of history long past. #
03:37 Fail list: Essays, essays, essays. #

Fluid Static Rhythm Talking™

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 11:25:02 GMT

18:58 *hums contentedly* #

This is all that needs to be said.

Well. (not feeling so well)

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 18:15:28 GMT

Well, that was an interesting night.